i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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