she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My feet surprised me
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