Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
