His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
