Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
