so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just google imaged poop.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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