Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
