Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
