A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
