I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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