Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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