Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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