Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
