the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
