The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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