Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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