they need to just BURY HIM!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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