i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
