Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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