She said her name was "party"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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