Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
