I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Don't make out with my wife yet
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
