Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize