So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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