What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize