He felt like a one man threesome
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I will pee on everything he values.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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