Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
