and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
that is very illegal...i love you.
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