is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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