Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
