Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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