Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
