need another drink. this is the easiest way
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
