Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
