But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
