WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
