If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
