good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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