wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it hurts more in the daytime
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
