i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I deserve this hangover.
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