Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
