Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
