I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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