i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
