Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
