i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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