Ambien. No doubt about it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
