We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
