I'd wear matching sweaters with you
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Less talking, more tequila
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
