Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
