I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
