Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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