I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
