Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
