I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
