Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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