is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
