I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
