She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
