totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
