Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
