tell your sister to shave her snatch
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize