You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
