you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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