i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
