It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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