So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
