I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
