i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
