lets start a swedish sibling band together
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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