I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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