Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize