Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
