Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
