If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
