Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We left the knife in your bed.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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