I got chris browned last night
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
