I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
