i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
