i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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