If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize